Forgive me

Forgive me

Forgive me

I’m sorry

Thank you

I love you...

As much as Facebook posts might make you assume… life is not only rainbows and unicorns. Day 15 of our travels my daughter states in tears after a morning of emotional overwhelment : “I wish my sister was never born, and I wish you would die”.

The words pierced my heart like nothing I have felt before. I knew that something like this would be on the menue one day. Yet, I expected it more towards teenager times. These tough emotions coming up at at the age of six hit me like a hammer... super unprepared. I tried to neutralize in a conversation with my daughter and noticed quickly: not possible. So went in the Shala in Sunshine House to practice, breath and sit with it.

“Kerys Williams, you are a mother of three, how do you manage? You’ve got three children and only two legs, how do you fit them all?” I ask desperately, fishing for wisdom. And there goes the wise woman in between household chores, friends in her house, packing the bags for two children leaving to summer camp, answering emails and prepping a massive course starting the next day: “I understand! It is tough to be be a big sister, you know when Gaia was small…” and she shared her lived experience being a mum of two small children in her brilliant way of storytelling in bright colours and alive emotions. “You know”, she said in the end, “mommy only has two legs and two arms, and often times her lab in busy. But you know: Her heart is soooo big, that it can fit all children and embrace them fully”.

And there Lea sat, with big eys, feeling understood. Maybe still frustrated, but listened to and understood from a mother who is a big sister herself…

I stand in awe of the deep connections, the ego wringing and heart expanding experience of being a mother, the spirit of Sunshine House encouraging transformation through embrace always, my family being my teachers of life, life itself as it unfolds.