“Ego says: Once everything falls into place, I’ll find my peace. Spirit says: Once I find my peace everything will fall into place.”
Continuing the journey of self care in the worthiness I find, no matter if it’s in small or big things takes me to “self practice”. And if I’m really honest there is still a sore feeling in me missing these juicy two hours in the morning doing my self practice on my mat, a perfect combination of pranayama, asana, and meditation, some days maybe some chanting, some days a ritual. However, all of that in peace and silence… a perfect start to find peace so that everything can fall into place easily on this precious day.
Today, if I manage to get up before my family, I don’t even want to practice in my home anymore because I’ll get to peak under the couch and other furniture in many poses and see things I’d better leave for the cleaning lady (that I still wish to have) besides some other challenges that have a strong distractive power. Very fast I realised that one of the most dear and powerful parts of my life will have to transform. A practice of true surrender in the knowledge that I just can’t keep it up. Especially in the first year the time in between breastfeeding mostly didn’t reach the 2 hour mark….
As I still do believe things falling into place when the mind rests in peace it is all about being creative and finding ways to practice within the density and high frequency of beautiful and times challenging mother duties. So my practice became a mixture of many small things during the day. Very ordinary things such as with how much love and care can I wash, hang and fold this never ending swamp of laundry. With how much patience can I pick up (or maybe just leave) all these endless numbers of very important rocks, scarves and pillows that are a creative scenery of play I just don’t understand in my mindset of keeping myself in the “normality of an adult reality”. With how much truthfulness and authenticity can I lose my patience when it’s happening to stay honest to myself and the world around me to embody congruency?
I learned that the 20 minutes sleep of my little one is better used for SHAVASANA, than to clean up and try fill out this important form I didn’t get to in the last weeks… and maybe both at the same time. I learned that setting and communicating boundaries is an essential part of my self practice when living in the close proximity of a new family with a small child and often more sustainable than a flow of poses on the mat. And that maybe as a result of my communication I actually can create that space for myself on a regular basis. I learned that going for a walk, taking a swim, or going for a run, can become something very spiritually uplifting and a proper self practice when performed with breath awareness and an open heart. The emotional hygiene happening when getting the cardio system to really work in the fresh air, maybe even in my favourite running trail in the forest is GOLD. Plus points: Change of perspective, outside the house, fresh air, change of scenery.
In the end I learned that any moment can be a moment of self practice when I find my breath flowing and the strength to stay with my rituals: my fire ceremony (homa) in the morning where Lea can be part of. My hot cacao that I indulge with pleasure and joy, riding my bike around town with Lea in the front seat, practicing handstands in between housework and playground, preparing food with love and awareness... and if things go really off: the courage to express in full capacity and self reflection what is in the present moment without projecting it onto my family members.
What is your self practice? I want to know!!!